Bewildered and consumed
What is it that ticks my brain into a dissociative mode, consumed with bleak thoughts and being bewildered?
The past couple of weeks were plain hell, the breath of any person near me gets on my nerves, i lashed out today and made a scene in the bank in the morning, due to my stupidity and lack of foresight, i am embarrassed by what i did, and i apologized, and later in the day word got to a manager there that happens to be a friend, i apologized again, this scene will haunt me for a long time.
Speaking of haunting, I once did a very tasteless joke while me and red where in dubai couple of years ago, it hurt Red, and to this day i cant forgive myself for that.
All last week when pondering in whatever dark abyss..i snap back to reality and all i have echoing in my mind “exit there, and disappear, leave, leave…”
When i decided to leave, i called the travel agent and got the bad news that the border is closed for unknown reasons and for unspecified time, just my damned luck.
My thoughts are endless and incoherent, i’m sleep deprived though i slept almost all saturday and sunday.
There is nothing specific that happened to trigger this state of mind. and those who know me personally would vouch for my words:
“Doomish is not a drama queen, Doomish when not in a clear state of mind disassociate himself from others and speaks little, contrary to his bleak and doomish blog posts.”
During these past days, and also while having 3 hour lunch with Red today, whenever she picked up the phone or when she went to the restroom, the below were running in my head:
And he’s awake who thinks himself asleep.
And I lost myself in the sea;
Carrying the waves of time
In the end… Exit there, and disappear.
Brave, Courageous and bold.
Long live his fame,
and long live his glory.
Long may his worthless posts be told.