Collection of others, rediscovery of oneself.

This post is inconsistent, full of random paragraphs and thoughts, not connected to convey a clear message; it has been in my drafts for some time. You have been forewarned!

I have been thinking for some time about myself, who am i? why I am this way? Why my school of thought is this one? Why my personality is like this? The thinking process was triggered by an email I sent to NOUB few months ago which was around 8-10 years late, but thankfully; NOUB is still alive to have read it.

I am, as most are, a collection of others, our cultures and environments. The “others” are mainly parents and family members, maybe a school teacher or an idol.

Well, thorough digging deep inside and honesty with myself, I came back with the result, a result that subconsciously was known to me, but never the less, the “shock and awe” when I discovered it was genuine.

I am a collection of others… mostly fictional, my personality is very slightly influenced by my parents, no other personally known figure had any bearing or influence on my personality, the current psychotic person that I am, is without a doubt shaped and molded to my liking by using bits and pieces of characters and figures that I admired throughout my life, concepts and outcomes of reading that I aligned perfectly to be who I am.

What was astonishing to me, is that I had the capacity of reading this book, or listening to song, or watching a movie, where the character of the movie or the book, or the words of the song are saying that “left is right, and right is wrong”, I clearly understand and hear “left is center, and center is right” and forever it will be “center and right”. I have the capacity to alter the messages and burn it deep in my mind, case in point:  the slogan of my blog, it is “In the forest that etc…” it should be “In the wasteland that etc…” when I originally heard or listened to it, it was burnt “forest,” not “wasteland”.

I have distanced myself from my culture from an early age, I refused to walk the road known to my family and my culture, I absolutely and almost always walked the other road, even if the road I took is the wrong one, I took it (for the record they are almost always the wrong roads), I never looked back, let it fall where it may.

In university, I spent summer courses reading really bad books, shitty ideological, religious, rebellious books, and to me, these books while extreme and full of foul shit, I loved them, I lived by them. Hell, the first website I designed and brought online in 2000 had a tomb with my name engraved on it, declaring it dead from day 1 and ever since!  just to be at odds with other people bringing websites to life online.

Music had its share of shaping me; it had a big share in contributing to the brain damage that is me, but I would like to give credit where it is due, Thank you music for expanding my horizons, thank you for introducing me to the Norse culture, thank you musicians for inspiring me to buy a guitar just to learn to play the music that you created.

In music I love the extremes, constantly drawn to the classical and folk music, while my heart lies on the darker side, the side that appeals to a small minority of people, and only a few can digest.

Books had a huge impact on me, literally… the lord of the rings trilogy reshaped me, don’t ask me why, but after the first read of the book, I changed dramatically, through John Grisham books I discovered the love of law, I found that I am passionate about courts, lawyers, judges, torts, etc… to the point I read few landmark cases in USA, read the courts manuscript, witnesses, everything.  Delved endlessly in US law, and believe me, it’s not shallow waters. Tim Severin, and many other writers introduced me to the Vikings, and I fell in love with it ever since.

Viking to me is forests, mists, gods, wars, savage, mead, primal and nature. And when I discovered Dana wild life reserve, I fell in love, for some weird reason it connected with the Viking imagery in my head, also, it was a place of sanctuary, a shrine to visit as much as possible.

In the end of this incoherent post, I would like to convey:
I am Doomish, and so can you!

Doomish:
Brave, Courageous and bold.
Long live his fame,
and long live his glory.
Long may his worthless posts be told.

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4 Comments

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  2. NOUB

    Good one. Had I known about your interest in law before I would have made you draft all our legal agreements! Would’ve saved some precious money >:(

    Reply
  3. Pingback: Reality check - Doomish.net

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