Taking back myself

With the year approaching its end, and with everyone jotting down their resolutions, its my time to have mine jotted down.

For the year 2011, I want to take back myself.

I have changed dramatically this year, to the majority of those who know me, they say its a good change.
I, on the other hand don’t necessary agree with them.

Dissociative by nature, i had to force myself to be part of the family once again, i don’t mind that actually, but the massive amount of information associated with it is alot, varying from the typical who took my bla bla, crossing to the relatives and their news and ending with running the show in times of chaos when there was a serious family member health problems. I am not used to, nor want to be part of the bullshit nonsense that is part of this communal, i am by no means better than any other person, but i want to be liberated from this bullshit.

Since i moved out, i managed to a certain degree to build my own silent empire, but since late December 2009, and throughout this year, ending in November 2010, i have been under massive pressure which resulted in insomnia, to the degree that 15mg (3 pills) of Valium doesn’t have any effect on me, many doctors could not help me, multiple sedatives and anti depressants could not bring me back, alcohol and other substances recommended failed also.

The set of norms and logic i apply to everyday life were gone, and everything was wrong in this past year. I thought that when im back to my own comfort zone all well be ok, but alas, im still having problems.

Two months now, i am still with issues, 99% of my blog posts are written post 3AM. my work productivity is at a minimal, freelance work is not even on the agenda. I drive slowly like old folk due to lack of concentration, walking like a drunk dude, unbalanced and plagued by fatigue.

Therefore for 2011 i want to take back myself.
i want to enjoy what i used to enjoy, up to speed on all the stuff that i love, enhance whatever needs enhancing, find a new outlet for stress, alienate what needs to be alienated, and thee most important thing is to sleep.

For those who reached this paragraph, a new year wish from me to you:
May you this and that, here and there and everywhere.

Thus spake the night spirit.

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13 Comments

  1. NOUB

    Silence is a blessing yes. Being thousands of miles away from the relatives’ hub, I can relate to your views about the craziness that surrounds the communal life. I say, wait till you have kids. Silence will be a ‘concept’ only.

    Reply
  2. Red

    Happy new year doomish! I wish you good sleep in 2011! An outlet for Stress! An Alianation of what should be alianated, as long as its not me! coz that would contradict with my 2011 resolutions which states keep great people closer and my other one, be selfish when u should!
    wish you Joy Joy Sleep Joy Fun Sleep Sleep Sleep Joy No stress Music Love Love Sleep Sleep Sleep Joy Joy Coffee Money Work Productivity Energy Energy Sleep 🙂

    Reply
  3. Rain

    Dot. bseer as2al what exactly is pressuring you that bad?
    I hope you will feel better soon,I will be praying for you en sha Allah

    kol 3am w enta b alf 5air w ya rab tet7a2a2 kol a7lamak

    Reply
  4. kinzi

    Wow Doomish, there is a LOT IN THIS POST. You have really been through a lot. I think half of it would half killed a person who didn’t disassociate a little bit.

    Congratulate yourself on making it through. Sleep is a great first priority. Can you go for a walk everyday? It is a good, simple life sorter. Then put a guard up in your thought-life…don’t let those nasty niggly energy-stealers in to bounce around in your head.

    I will pray for you. Hang in there.

    Reply
  5. Doomish

    @Redzo
    You know i cant cut you off from me life.
    your comment reminded me of words i love, i will post them soon.

    Reply
  6. Dino

    wow.. a lot of issues here.. no wonder ur blog title is doomish.. maybe try a more cheerful outlook on life.. start a blog called ” hope” or something with butterflies 😛 about the sleep.. i suggest u offer to help a parent with night feedings.. they will gratefull u will be awake and by the end of the night u will be so tired u will just collapse..

    who needs valium when there i mansaf! have some mansaf and faint 😛

    on a more serious note.. i really wish u the best in this coming year.. i wish u get the sleep you need to be sane.. i wish you resolve all the things u feel need to be resolved so that you are happyish instead of doomish

    Reply
  7. Doomish

    @Rain
    Simply put, if you take an animal out of its natural normal habitat, put him in a cage, the chances are that he will be stressed, depressed and sometimes aggressive.

    I am like that animal at this moment in time.

    Thanks for the wishes, be safe at uni on sunday 😛

    Reply
  8. Doomish

    @Kinzi
    My area is superb for walks, but unfortunately it didn’t help me out. i’ve done it all.

    on a brighter note, rain is here, that is always good mood lifter

    Thanks for the wishes.

    Reply
  9. Doomish

    @Dino
    First off, i hail from the city from which Mansaf originated, unfortunately i came to dislike it, i am no fan of cooked meat.

    and as a night shift nanny, that is a cool idea, but would they hire a dude? would you?

    For the historical record, doomish originally was not a state of mind, doomish.com has been alive since 15th of July 2002 as a community where fans and musicians of specific genre of music (Doom metal) contributed/learned Guitar notations of obscure and underground bands and artists, until the MPAA/Congress outlawed this form of Guitar notations and started a witch hunt, and at that point, I stopped, specifically when another friend/competitor website has been served a cease and decease letter from the MPAA goons.

    thank you for the wishes 🙂

    Reply
  10. Rain

    y3ny I don’t wanna lecture you or anything bs wallahy ma fi ishy mestahel!y3ny bedy afham lesh 2aleb 7iatak nakad?se7tak mnee7a?ahlak mna7?la2y kolshy bte7tajo?
    just look at the full half of the cup and feel happy inside,I don’t mean to judge you ana ma b3rf zroofak,bs brdo you should try harder and count your blessings and if you’re free inside you will never feel trapped like you say
    3n jd life is tooooooooo short!!!!

    5ls 5ls,lecture is over lol

    Reply
  11. Doomish

    @Rain
    wal wal, ana mo neked 🙁 on the contrary im a very easy goin dude. @Red am i neked?

    ba3den, im stating what happened to me, and i only complained about the lack of sleep 😛

    easy on me, i am a fragile dude 😉

    Reply

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